Self-Compassion

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 5:13 pm by Adam Larson

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Self-Compassion

#24 Self-Compassion [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#24

Self-Compassion

Self-Compassion

The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of trauma and strengthen our emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Download this resource (PDF)

#24 Self-Compassion [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#24

Self-Compassion

The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of trauma and strengthen our emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Download this resource (PDF)

Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Celebrate Your Victories

There is a common misconception that we must be “perfect” or “better” in order to be worthy of compassion—that we are not deserving of it until we overcome our perceived shortcomings, limitations, or failures. Sometimes we may feel that we still have too much work to do or too many flaws to fix before we can allow ourselves grace. But this is not the case. In fact, self-compassion and imperfection go hand-in-hand. Self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and perceived inadequacy are part of the shared human experience.

Self-compassion not only involves acknowledging this suffering and the things you’d like to do differently. It also involves acknowledging your victories and what you have already achieved today.

Because the healing journey is an ongoing process, personal victories achieved along the way can go unnoticed. You might have days where you feel you’ve made little progress in your healing. You might get frustrated and impatient, focusing on doubts, struggles, and setbacks you’ve experienced. These kinds of thoughts and feelings can happen instinctively, which is why it’s important to practice self-compassion and recognize that no matter where you are or what you’ve done (or haven’t done), you are strong and resilient now.

Today’s activity is about highlighting your present strength, courage, and impact. Similar to how you’ve been sharing a personal triumph during each check-in, this activity centers around noticing the good things you are already achieving every day and practicing self-kindness in the face of difficulties.

Activity steps

01

Look back at either today or yesterday and identify at least three victories you’ve achieved.

This could be anything you see as a personal triumph, no matter how small it may seem. Some examples might be:

I got out of bed.
I finished a project.
I took a breath to ground myself.
I held a boundary.
I tried something new.
I made progress on something important to me.
I gave myself a compliment.
I set aside time for self-care and/or play.
I told my kids I loved them.
I practiced safe touch.
I engaged my body in movement.
I ran an errand.
I spent time outside.
I noticed something beautiful and positive.
I practiced self-compassion.

02

Take a moment after listing your three triumphs to appreciate your actions from today or yesterday.

Similar to the activity “Your Future Self Will Thank You,” you may decide to write a short message to your past self, thanking them for the personal triumphs they achieved and for practicing Aspiration through healing thoughts and actions.

03

Make a plan to repeat this activity at the end of the day, taking time before bed to look back and identify a victory you’ve achieved.

You could also keep track of these observations by writing them in a gratitude journal. When you are feeling down on yourself or struggling to practice self-compassion, refer to this journal to remind yourself of all the victories you have achieved. You could also try incorporating your victories into art journaling or other types of creative expression.

04

If you later feel you are not in the headspace to reflect back on your triumphs from the day, try an activity that seems more doable and calming, such as coloring, working on a puzzle, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or laying out your clothes for the next day. As you do the activity, giving yourself time and space to simply be, occasionally direct your thoughts back to the day you just had and the triumphs you achieved. If you are still having difficulty thinking of a victory, you can write down the calming activity you just engaged in and the effort you put into fostering self-compassion.

Note: You can get more out of this activity by making it a daily practice. However, anytime is a good time to appreciate your personal triumphs.

Grounding Exercise

Butterfly Hug

The butterfly hug—sometimes referred to as the “self-love hug”—is an example of sensory grounding involving touch. It is also a self-soothing technique you can use any time you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or triggered.

Activity Steps

01

Get into a comfortable position, either sitting up or lying down.

02

Cross your arms over your chest and rest the tips of your fingers on your collarbone, shoulders, or arms.

03

Next, gently tap your arms, alternating sides. As you do so, breathe in and out.

04

Continue this exercise for 2–5 minutes or as long as you need to.

05

When you are done, rest your hands on your lap and let your attention come back to the present moment.

Video Option

Watch this video and follow along as Jessica guides you through the butterfly hug.

Grounding Techniques - Butterfly Hug [CC] from Saprea on Vimeo.

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)

Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Feelings of Shame

Self-Compassion

Challenging Cognitive Distortions

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#25

Practicing Boundaries

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 4:36 pm by Adam Larson

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Practicing Boundaries

#23 Practicing Boundaries [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#23

Practicing Boundaries

Practicing Boundaries

While building healthy connections is a key part of healing, equally important is identifying, maintaining, and communicating your boundaries. Everything you embrace, initiate, and seek out to build connections can be done at your own pace and in a way that honors these boundaries.

Download this resource (PDF)

#23 Practicing Boundaries [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#23

Practicing Boundaries

Download this resource (PDF)

Group Activity

Practicing Boundaries

A boundary is a line or limit that separates what you’re okay with from what you’re not. It can be helpful to think back to the visual of the fence. Everything inside the fence is what you like and want to embrace in your life. Everything outside the fence is what you don’t like and don’t want to be part of your life. While rigid fencing can lead to isolation, weak fencing can lead to trespassing. The best kinds of fences have gates that allow flexibility in who can come in and go out to honor changing relationships, circumstances, and healing. A healthy boundary allows you to open the gate to new people, friendships, and support systems while still holding firm to the limits that will help you feel secure. For more examples of what rigid, weak, and healthy boundaries look like, you can refer to the chart below.

Those with Rigid Boundaries

Use boundaries to push people away.
Use boundaries to try controlling other people.
Are not open to hearing others’ viewpoints.
Are overprotective of personal information.
Aren’t willing to appropriately adapt boundaries to different contexts.
Say no to things simply because they are outside of their comfort zone.
Seem detached.
Believe their own boundaries are more important than others’ boundaries.

Those with Weak Boundaries

Don’t set boundaries for fear that others won’t approve.
Are controlled by other people’s behaviors and opinions.
Accept abuse or disrespect from others because they feel it’s what they deserve.
Overshare details of past trauma with others, even new acquaintances.
Feel it’s their job to fix everyone else’s problems.
Don’t say no to others, even when feeling uncomfortable or emotionally overwhelmed.
Believe others' boundaries are important but hesitate to establish their own.
Reinforce boundaries inconsistently or don’t reinforce boundaries at all.

Those with Healthy Boundaries

Stand up for personal values and don’t compromise out of fear or doubt.
Consistently communicate and reinforce boundaries.
Are firm, but not rigid, in reinforcing personal boundaries.
Respect their own boundaries and the boundaries of others.
Develop emotional closeness at a pace that is comfortable and best suits their healing journey.
Share personal information appropriately with others.
Willing to try new things as long as values aren’t compromised.
Place trust in those who have earned it.

Setting a healthy boundary generally involves:

Identifying a relationship or situation in your life where you may have a boundary that is currently too weak or too rigid.
Determining how you’d like to change that boundary into something healthier.
Planning an action to communicate that change.

let's look at an example:

Over the past year you have been attending therapy and practicing strategies to help manage the trauma of child sexual abuse. Your partner is very supportive and has been doing all they can to help you along your healing journey and be the supporter you need.

However, over the past few months you have started refusing to go to any social engagements, family events, or work functions with your partner because you are worried about becoming triggered. Each time your partner asks if you’ll go with them to one of these social settings, you say no. While your partner has been patient and empathetic, you feel that your boundary may be too rigid and is putting a strain on the relationship. So you decide to adjust the boundary by laying out the details (see example to the side).

Now, it’s your turn!

Relationship:

Significant Other

Area:

Social

Rigid

Healthy

Weak

New Boundary:

While I am still hesitant to attend social gatherings because I’m scared of being triggered, I understand that it’s important for my partner that I make the effort to attend certain events, even if it’s just for a short amount of time.

Action:

Have a conversation with my partner to discuss my willingness to go to a select number of social events each month, as long as we have a backup plan in case I become triggered. For instance, before each event we can come up with an excuse to leave early if needed.