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Everyday Aspiration

Posted on May 10, 2023 - 7:58 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Everyday Aspiration

#27 Everyday Aspiration [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#27

Everyday Aspiration

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Everyday Aspiration

Applying Aspiration into small, everyday moments can empower you to celebrate your strengths, live with intention, cultivate self-compassion, and continue moving toward the future you want.
Download this resource (PDF)

#27 Everyday Aspiration [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#27

Everyday Aspiration

Applying Aspiration into small, everyday moments can empower you to celebrate your strengths, live with intention, cultivate self-compassion, and continue moving toward the future you want.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Setting Intentions

A key part of Aspiration is recognizing that things won’t stay the same forever. This is where setting intentions comes in. Setting intentions starts with looking ahead and seeing new potential—seeing a future that is different from the way it’s “always” been or the way it will “always” be. It’s about considering what you want and setting the intention to move towards a future shaped by those wants.

And yet, it can sometimes be difficult to step back and consider what you want for the future, especially if you’ve committed much of your energy to managing the effects of past experiences. One way to help you identify what a hopeful future looks like to you is considering these questions:

  • When am I the happiest?
  • How would I like to stretch myself?
  • What emotion would I like to drive my day?
  • What would I like to bring to the world?

Along with these questions, here area couple of activities that can help guide you toward some ideas.

Activity steps

OPTION 1—THE PERFECT “NORMAL” DAY 
01
Imagine a typical, average day in your life when everything goes right. This doesn’t mean a day when you win the lottery or go on vacation. Rather, it’s a day that includes your normal routine, but still becomes memorable as one of the best days you’ve had.  
02

Picture what happens during this day, starting with when you wake up to when you go to bed.

  • Where do you go?
  • What do you do?
  • How do you interact with others?
  • Who do you spend your time with?
  • What experiences do you have?
  • What details make it a good day?
03
As you think about these questions, write down a description of your day. When you finish your description, reflect back on your ideal “normal” day. What insights does it give you about what matters most to you? What everyday things bring you the most joy? 
04
Write down a list of at least three things you learned. Keep that list someplace where you can refer to it as a reminder.  
OPTION 2—REFLECT ON VIDEO QUESTIONS 
01

If you are someone who values setting goals (which we define as measurable steps you can take to live with intention) reflect on the following questions from the video:

  • What goals do I have for today?
  • Are these goals realistic for the time I have and where I’m at?
  • What are my long-term goals? In what timeframe do I hope to accomplish them?
  • What would I need to put into place to achieve these goals?
  • How might my strengths help me achieve my short-term and long-term goals?
  • How can I keep myself motivated?
  • How can I be flexible with myself?
02
Write down your answers to help you create a plan of how you’d like to turn an intention into a behavior—one that will bring you closer to the future you want.
OPTION 3—REVISIT YOUR ASPIRATION BOARD 
01
If you created an Aspiration board during Group Meeting 21, you might consider revisiting it later to brainstorm an intention you’d like to set.  
02
Write down any intention(s) you think of and post them someplace you can see them.
03
You may also decide to add more images, words, or other visual elements onto your Aspiration board that depict your new intention(s).

Grounding Exercise

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Positive affirmations are sentences you say to yourself to remind you of your value, how far you’ve come, and how capable you are of continuing your healing journey. They can serve as an anchor to this moment, as well as a tool to nurturing self-compassion.

So let's begin.

Activity Steps

01

Select an affirmation from this list or choose one of your own.

  • I am enough.
  • I am learning to love myself.
  • I choose happiness.
  • I am moving forward on my healing journey one choice at a time.
  • I have strength and power to take whatever comes my way.
  • I can do challenging things.
  • I am grateful for this day and the many possibilities it affords.
  • I deserve compassion, kindness, and understanding.
02
Repeat the affirmation in your mind as you inhale and exhale, envisioning the words as your anchor to the present.  
03
As your mind wanders, gently redirect it back to the affirmation, noting your drifting attention with patience and curiosity.  
04
Continue this exercise for 1–2 minutes. As you do so, you might choose a new affirmation to focus on or stick with the same one—whatever works best for you.  
05
When you are finished, allow yourself a few paced breaths, imagining feelings of warmth and compassion flowing through you.  

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Aspiration and Its Role in Healing from Child Sexual Abuse

Developing Aspirational Thinking

Creating Intentional Behavior

Done With This Topic? Jump to the Next.

#01
Featured image for “Trauma’s Impact on the Brain and Body”
Trauma’s Impact on the Brain and Body
Learning how trauma impacts the brain and body can be a validating first step toward understanding your lived experiences as…
#02
Featured image for “Introducing Acknowledgement”
Introducing Acknowledgement
Healing from child sexual abuse involves the practice of Acknowledgement, which is looking with clarity and self-compassion at where you…
#03
Featured image for “Understanding the Limbic System”
Understanding the Limbic System
Part of understanding trauma’s impact on the brain is learning about the limbic system and its drive to protect us…

Body Kindness 

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 5:36 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Body Kindness 

#26 Body Kindness [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#26

Body Kindness 

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Body Kindness 

Survivors can more easily nurture a loving relationship with themselves through body kindness, which is reframing any feelings of judgment or shame you have towards your body into feelings of compassion and self-care.
Download this resource (PDF)

#26 Body Kindness [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#26

Body Kindness 

Survivors can more easily nurture a loving relationship with themselves through body kindness, which is reframing any feelings of judgment or shame you have towards your body into feelings of compassion and self-care.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Body kindness is about redirecting feelings of shame or judgment about your body towards feelings of acceptance and self-compassion. One way you can begin this shift is by noticing all the ways your body serves you. Even though it may be difficult, taking the time to appreciate all the parts of your body, even the parts you may not usually have positive thoughts about, can help strengthen your body kindness.

This type of appreciation can be small—as small as, “Today my skin helped me feel the warm sunlight,” or “My neck helped me to look at the sky this morning.”

In this activity, you can practice observing how your body serves you with a relaxation technique called Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR). We’ve used this technique before as a grounding exercise. Today we’ll spend a little more time on what PMR is and how it can serve as not only a grounding exercise but also a way to practice body kindness and connection.

Progressive muscle relaxation is an exercise centered around tensing and releasing your major muscle groups in order to learn to notice, appreciate, and relax those muscles. Not only can this exercise help relieve tension and improve your ability to relax, but it can also help draw your attention to parts of the body that may generally go unnoticed. PMR is often used to promote a calmer, more relaxed emotional and/or physical state. It helps reduce stress, anxiety, muscle tension, and has been known to ease some chronic pain. Because of this, it’s often prescribed as a sleep technique, but it is also effective to reduce tension, to become aware of body sensations, and to remind the body that a calm or more relaxed state can be safe.

So let’s get started!

Activity steps

Option 1—PMR Script 

Group Leader A guides the participants in a PMR meditation by reading through the script provided below. This exercise is roughly 10 minutes long and may be adjusted to fit the time constraints of the group.

Guided Meditation Script

Let’s begin by getting comfortable – either sitting up or lying down, knowing that either is fine so long as you are comfortable and fully supported. During this practice, you’re welcome to find a focal point at which to softly gaze, or you may find yourself closing your eyes and going inward; again, either is fine, so long as you remain comfortable and present.

When you are ready, I invite you to draw your attention to your breath; and as you do, notice the breath that is happening right now. As you breathe, notice how your abdomen rises and falls with each breath… notice the air flow in… and the air flow out…

Take as many deep breaths as feels right… [pause]

You may notice that your body has already undergone a change; perhaps you notice a stillness or calm, or perhaps the tension in your body is beginning to subside. For now, let your breathing resume its normal pace.

… I invite you to bring your awareness to your feet and toes. Breathe in deeply through the nose, and as you do, slowly curl your toes downward, tensing the muscles in your feet. Hold both the breath and contraction for a few seconds, and then release the muscles in your feet as you breathe out… Notice the different sensations in your feet and toes when they are tense and when they are relaxed; remembering to keep the observation simple and kind—no judgment, rather just observing with curiosity… Once again, I invite you to inhale deeply and as you do, slowly curl your toes downward. Hold for just a moment…and now exhale, releasing the contraction and letting the muscles of the feet relax …

And now, let’s bring your awareness to your leg muscles – the calves. When ready, breathe in gently and deeply as you flex your feet, pointing the toes upward, and feeling tension in your calves. Hold for just a moment, and then breathe out, letting the muscles relax and the tension wash away… Once again, take a deep breath in as you flex your feet and point the toes upward, feeling tension in your calves. Hold for a few seconds, and then breathe out, letting your calf muscles relax and become heavy.

And now, let’s bring your attention to your upper leg muscles, the quadriceps and hamstrings. When ready, take a deep breath in and as you do, gently contract your upper leg muscles. Hold the breath and contraction for just a few seconds, and now exhale as you release the contraction, letting the tension fade away… Once again, take a deep breath in and as you do, contract the upper leg muscles. Hold for just a moment, and now exhale, allowing the air to flow out and allowing the legs to relax and grow heavy.

I invite you to bring your awareness to your abdomen. When ready, take a deep breath in while tensing the stomach. Perhaps imagine yourself attempting to touch your belly button to the spine. Hold that tension and breath for just a moment, and then exhale, allowing the stomach to relax and to just be… Once again, take a deep breath in, and as you do, tighten the stomach muscles once more. Hold for just a moment. And now, exhale – letting the air flow out and letting the abdominal muscles relax completely.

Next, let’s bring your awareness to your neck and shoulders. Perhaps notice any tension or sensation that may be there already... When ready, take a deep breath in through the nose, lifting your shoulders to the ears. Hold for a moment, and then exhale – lowering the shoulders and letting them relax completely as the air flows out... Once again, take a deep breath in through the nose, raising your shoulders to the ears. Hold for a moment. And now, exhale; letting the air flow out as your shoulders drop and grow heavy.

And now, let’s give the arms and hands opportunity to learn to relax. When ready, deeply inhale and as you do, bring your fists to your shoulders, squeezing your arms and hands. Hold for just a moment. And now exhale completely, letting your arms ease and hands open. You may notice some light tingling or throbbing in your arms or hands; rest assured this is normal. Simply notice the sensation wash away as your muscles drift into a more relaxed state… Once again, deeply inhale as you bring your fists to your shoulders, squeezing both arms and hands. Hold for just a moment. And now, exhale completely, letting your arms drop to your lap or sides and letting your hands open… Perhaps noticing the tension wash away as your breath resumes its natural pace…

Let’s now bring an awareness to the facial muscles. As you inhale, clench your jaw, and perhaps furrow your brow. Hold the breath and contraction for a moment, and now exhale as you release those muscles… Notice the muscles softening and the expression loosening… Again, slowly inhale and gently clench the jaw and furrow the brow, hold for a moment, and then release; letting your breath gently flow out and the facial muscles ease…

At this time, you may wish to notice an overall sensation of heaviness or relaxation in the body. Feel free to take a few more deep breaths, or simply let yourself be as you find yourself in this relaxed state… [pause]

… Take a moment to reflect on a specific muscle or muscle group that we focused on and note how it has helped you today. When you are ready, wiggle your toes, wiggle your fingers, gently open your eyes.

Option 2—PMR Video 
Watch the video as a group to engage in a guided PMR exercise. This video is roughly 10 minutes long and may be adjusted to fit the time constraints of the group. 

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) from Saprea on Vimeo.

Grounding Exercise

Self-Kindness Meditation

This exercise can help us not only ground to the present but offer ourselves warmth, comfort, and compassion. 

Activity Steps 

01
Place both hands over your heart and take a moment to feel the warmth of your touch.
Notice your breathing as it is. There is no need to change or deepen it. 
02
As you breathe in, imagine a sense of calm and gratitude flowing through your body and towards your heart.
As you breathe out, imagine any tension or stress leaving your body. It may also be helpful to focus on the image of a breathing heart.
03
Next, envision a moment when you were with someone who made you feel loved and safe.
This moment may be an actual memory with a loved one, trusted friend, neighbor, therapist, or mentor. You could also think of a moment spent with a beloved pet. Or, rather than drawing from a memory, you can envision a hypothetical scenario with an older, wiser version of yourself, or with a well-known figure you admire and whose work has brought you inspiration and comfort.
04
Think about the feelings of acceptance, safety, and love you experience when focusing on that person.
Take a moment to allow these feelings to spread throughout your body.

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Difficult Relationship with Body

Movement

Done With This Topic? Jump to the Next.

#02
Featured image for “Introducing Acknowledgement”
Introducing Acknowledgement
Healing from child sexual abuse involves the practice of Acknowledgement, which is looking with clarity and self-compassion at where you…
#01
Featured image for “Trauma’s Impact on the Brain and Body”
Trauma’s Impact on the Brain and Body
Learning how trauma impacts the brain and body can be a validating first step toward understanding your lived experiences as…
#27
Featured image for “Everyday Aspiration”
Everyday Aspiration
Applying Aspiration into small, everyday moments can empower you to celebrate your strengths, live with intention, cultivate self-compassion, and continue…

Power of Play—Part 3 

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 5:28 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Power of Play—Part 3 

#25 Power of Play Part 3 [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#25

Power of Play—Part 3 

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Power of Play—Part 3 

Play can help you find joy in your everyday life right now, even when you feel that you are unworthy or unable to have such experiences. The more you play, the easier it will be to allow yourself these moments of self-care and childlike wonder in the future.
Download this resource (PDF)

#25 Power of Play Part 3 [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#25

Power of Play—Part 3 

Play can help you find joy in your everyday life right now, even when you feel that you are unworthy or unable to have such experiences. The more you play, the easier it will be to allow yourself these moments of self-care and childlike wonder in the future.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Laughter Yoga

A frequent companion to play, laughter is associated with numerous physical and mental benefits. Among other things, laughter may release “feel good” hormones, improve mood, and even mimics the physiological response of a bout of exercise.

As physical and mental health practitioners explore ways to improve well-being, there is a growing interest in how laughter might be used in treatment—and from that curiosity emerged a form of yoga called “laughter yoga.”

Laughter yoga uses laughing and breathing techniques to recharge the body and mind. In some cases, movement may also be incorporated, but the primary focus is on engaging in intentional laughter intermingled with paced breathing. This may be a new activity for you, and we invite you and your group to follow along with the video; you may find that your laughter moves from feeling awkward to becoming genuine.

Activity steps

01

We recommend using this 10-minute laughter yoga video. If your group is short on time, you may choose to stop the video before it finishes.

02
This video can include subtitles. If your group prefers to read along with the verbal instructions, click the CC button on the bottom of the video frame. If your group would like subtitles in a language other than English, click the CC button and then click the settings button (looks like a gear) for options to auto translate into another language. 
03
Give laughter yoga a sincere try. It will likely feel awkward for the first few minutes, and in the end, you may determine that it isn’t for you. But try it and see if it helps you feel more playful, connected to other group members, or happily tired from a good, hearty belly laugh. 

Grounding Exercise

Stomp and Clap

This activity utilizes elements of rhythm, play, and movement to help anchor your attention to the present.

Activity Steps

01

Group Leader A begins by performing a simple stomp-clap combination.

  • Example: Stomp, clap, stomp, stomp.
02

The rest of the group will then repeat the same stomp-clap combination in unison.

03
Repeat this back-and-forth dynamic between Group Leader A and the other participants a few times, allowing the group to fall into a natural call-and-response rhythm. 
04
Next, Group Leader B will start a new stomp-clap combination for the rest of the group to follow.  
05
Repeat the same call-and-response rhythm from steps 2 and 3.   
06
Continue the activity for as long as you’d like, allowing other participants the chance to lead the group with their own stomp-clap combinations.   

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Grounding Techniques 

Movement 

Mindfulness and Its Role in Healing from Child Sexual Abuse 

Done With This Topic? Jump to the Next.

#01
Featured image for “Trauma’s Impact on the Brain and Body”
Trauma’s Impact on the Brain and Body
Learning how trauma impacts the brain and body can be a validating first step toward understanding your lived experiences as…
#26
Featured image for “Body Kindness ”
Body Kindness 
Survivors can more easily nurture a loving relationship with themselves through body kindness, which is reframing any feelings of judgment…
#27
Featured image for “Everyday Aspiration”
Everyday Aspiration
Applying Aspiration into small, everyday moments can empower you to celebrate your strengths, live with intention, cultivate self-compassion, and continue…

Self-Compassion 

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 5:13 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Self-Compassion 

#24 Self-Compassion [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#24

Self-Compassion 

Image

Self-Compassion 

The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of trauma and strengthen our emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
Download this resource (PDF)

#24 Self-Compassion [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#24

Self-Compassion 

The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of trauma and strengthen our emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Celebrate Your Victories

There is a common misconception that we must be “perfect” or “better” in order to be worthy of compassion—that we are not deserving of it until we overcome our perceived shortcomings, limitations, or failures. Sometimes we may feel that we still have too much work to do or too many flaws to fix before we can allow ourselves grace. But this is not the case. In fact, self-compassion and imperfection go hand-in-hand. Self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and perceived inadequacy are part of the shared human experience.

Self-compassion not only involves acknowledging this suffering and the things you’d like to do differently. It also involves acknowledging your victories and what you have already achieved today.

Because the healing journey is an ongoing process, personal victories achieved along the way can go unnoticed. You might have days where you feel you’ve made little progress in your healing. You might get frustrated and impatient, focusing on doubts, struggles, and setbacks you’ve experienced. These kinds of thoughts and feelings can happen instinctively, which is why it’s important to practice self-compassion and recognize that no matter where you are or what you’ve done (or haven’t done), you are strong and resilient now.

Today’s activity is about highlighting your present strength, courage, and impact. Similar to how you’ve been sharing a personal triumph during each check-in, this activity centers around noticing the good things you are already achieving every day and practicing self-kindness in the face of difficulties.

Activity steps

01
Look back at either today or yesterday and identify at least three victories you’ve achieved.

This could be anything you see as a personal triumph, no matter how small it may seem. Some examples might be:

  1. I got out of bed.
  2. I finished a project.
  3. I took a breath to ground myself.
  4. I held a boundary.
  5. I tried something new.
  6. I made progress on something important to me.
  7. I gave myself a compliment.
  8. I set aside time for self-care and/or play.
  9. I told my kids I loved them.
  10. I practiced safe touch.
  11. I engaged my body in movement.
  12. I ran an errand.
  13. I spent time outside.
  14. I noticed something beautiful and positive.
  15. I practiced self-compassion.
02
Take a moment after listing your three triumphs to appreciate your actions from today or yesterday.
Similar to the activity “Your Future Self Will Thank You,” you may decide to write a short message to your past self, thanking them for the personal triumphs they achieved and for practicing Aspiration through healing thoughts and actions.
03
Make a plan to repeat this activity at the end of the day, taking time before bed to look back and identify a victory you’ve achieved.
You could also keep track of these observations by writing them in a gratitude journal. When you are feeling down on yourself or struggling to practice self-compassion, refer to this journal to remind yourself of all the victories you have achieved. You could also try incorporating your victories into art journaling or other types of creative expression.   
04
If you later feel you are not in the headspace to reflect back on your triumphs from the day, try an activity that seems more doable and calming, such as coloring, working on a puzzle, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or laying out your clothes for the next day. As you do the activity, giving yourself time and space to simply be, occasionally direct your thoughts back to the day you just had and the triumphs you achieved. If you are still having difficulty thinking of a victory, you can write down the calming activity you just engaged in and the effort you put into fostering self-compassion.
Note: You can get more out of this activity by making it a daily practice. However, anytime is a good time to appreciate your personal triumphs.

Grounding Exercise

Butterfly Hug

The butterfly hug—sometimes referred to as the “self-love hug”—is an example of sensory grounding involving touch. It is also a self-soothing technique you can use any time you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or triggered.

Activity Steps

01
Get into a comfortable position, either sitting up or lying down.  
02
Cross your arms over your chest and rest the tips of your fingers on your collarbone, shoulders, or arms. 
03
Next, gently tap your arms, alternating sides. As you do so, breathe in and out.
04
Continue this exercise for 2–5 minutes or as long as you need to.
05
When you are done, rest your hands on your lap and let your attention come back to the present moment.  

Video Option

Watch this video and follow along as Jessica guides you through the butterfly hug.  

Grounding Techniques - Butterfly Hug [CC] from Saprea on Vimeo.

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Feelings of Shame 

Self-Compassion 

Challenging Cognitive Distortions 

Done With This Topic? Jump to the Next.

#25
Featured image for “Power of Play—Part 3 ”
Power of Play—Part 3 
Play can help you find joy in your everyday life right now, even when you feel that you are unworthy…
#26
Featured image for “Body Kindness ”
Body Kindness 
Survivors can more easily nurture a loving relationship with themselves through body kindness, which is reframing any feelings of judgment…
#27
Featured image for “Everyday Aspiration”
Everyday Aspiration
Applying Aspiration into small, everyday moments can empower you to celebrate your strengths, live with intention, cultivate self-compassion, and continue…

Practicing Boundaries 

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 4:36 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Practicing Boundaries 

#23 Practicing Boundaries [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#23

Practicing Boundaries 

Image

Practicing Boundaries 

While building healthy connections is a key part of healing, equally important is identifying, maintaining, and communicating your boundaries. Everything you embrace, initiate, and seek out to build connections can be done at your own pace and in a way that honors these boundaries.
Download this resource (PDF)

#23 Practicing Boundaries [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#23

Practicing Boundaries 

While building healthy connections is a key part of healing, equally important is identifying, maintaining, and communicating your boundaries. Everything you embrace, initiate, and seek out to build connections can be done at your own pace and in a way that honors these boundaries.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Practicing Boundaries

A boundary is a line or limit that separates what you’re okay with from what you’re not. It can be helpful to think back to the visual of the fence. Everything inside the fence is what you like and want to embrace in your life. Everything outside the fence is what you don’t like and don’t want to be part of your life. While rigid fencing can lead to isolation, weak fencing can lead to trespassing. The best kinds of fences have gates that allow flexibility in who can come in and go out to honor changing relationships, circumstances, and healing. A healthy boundary allows you to open the gate to new people, friendships, and support systems while still holding firm to the limits that will help you feel secure. For more examples of what rigid, weak, and healthy boundaries look like, you can refer to the chart below.

Those with Rigid Boundaries

  • Use boundaries to push people away.
  • Use boundaries to try controlling other people.
  • Are not open to hearing others’ viewpoints.
  • Are overprotective of personal information.
  • Aren’t willing to appropriately adapt boundaries to different contexts.
  • Say no to things simply because they are outside of their comfort zone.
  • Seem detached.
  • Believe their own boundaries are more important than others’ boundaries.

Those with Weak Boundaries

  • Don’t set boundaries for fear that others won’t approve.
  • Are controlled by other people’s behaviors and opinions.
  • Accept abuse or disrespect from others because they feel it’s what they deserve.
  • Overshare details of past trauma with others, even new acquaintances.
  • Feel it’s their job to fix everyone else’s problems.
  • Don’t say no to others, even when feeling uncomfortable or emotionally overwhelmed.
  • Believe others' boundaries are important but hesitate to establish their own.
  • Reinforce boundaries inconsistently or don’t reinforce boundaries at all.

Those with Healthy Boundaries

  • Stand up for personal values and don’t compromise out of fear or doubt.
  • Consistently communicate and reinforce boundaries.
  • Are firm, but not rigid, in reinforcing personal boundaries.
  • Respect their own boundaries and the boundaries of others.
  • Develop emotional closeness at a pace that is comfortable and best suits their healing journey.
  • Share personal information appropriately with others.
  • Willing to try new things as long as values aren’t compromised.
  • Place trust in those who have earned it.

Setting a healthy boundary generally involves:

  1. Identifying a relationship or situation in your life where you may have a boundary that is currently too weak or too rigid.
  2. Determining how you’d like to change that boundary into something healthier.
  3. Planning an action to communicate that change.
let's look at an example:

Over the past year you have been attending therapy and practicing strategies to help manage the trauma of child sexual abuse. Your partner is very supportive and has been doing all they can to help you along your healing journey and be the supporter you need.

However, over the past few months you have started refusing to go to any social engagements, family events, or work functions with your partner because you are worried about becoming triggered. Each time your partner asks if you’ll go with them to one of these social settings, you say no. While your partner has been patient and empathetic, you feel that your boundary may be too rigid and is putting a strain on the relationship. So you decide to adjust the boundary by laying out the details (see example to the side).

Now, it’s your turn!

Relationship:
Significant Other
Area:
Social
I
Ж
I
I
Rigid
Healthy
Weak
New Boundary:
While I am still hesitant to attend social gatherings because I’m scared of being triggered, I understand that it’s important for my partner that I make the effort to attend certain events, even if it’s just for a short amount of time.
Action:
Have a conversation with my partner to discuss my willingness to go to a select number of social events each month, as long as we have a backup plan in case I become triggered. For instance, before each event we can come up with an excuse to leave early if needed.

Activity steps

01
Think of a specific relationship in your life and write it down.  
02

Next, think about an area of the relationship (or of your life in general) that you’d like to focus on, and write that area down next to the relationship. Here are a few examples:

  • Physical
  • Intellectual
  • Emotional
  • Spiritual
  • Professional
  • Sexual
03
Draw a spectrum similar to the one in the example. Determine where on the spectrum you feel your boundary is regarding that relationship or situation.  
04
Next, write down a new, healthier boundary that you would like to set.  
05
And finally, write down one thing you can do or say to set that boundary.  
Note: This exercise may also help you recognize a healthy boundary that you already have in place and would like to continue maintaining or modeling other boundaries after. 
Relationship:
Area:
I
I
I
Rigid
Healthy
Weak
New Boundary:
Action:

Grounding Exercise

Paced Breathing

Think of your breath as an anchor that holds you to the present. Your breathing serves you right now, in this moment. You cannot take breaths for the past or for the future—only for your present needs.

So let’s begin.

Activity Steps

01
Take a moment to get comfortable. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
02
Rest a hand on your chest or stomach if it helps you feel calm.
03
Focus on the image of a breathing heart, one that swells with each inhale and compresses with each exhale.
04
Inhale through your nose, envisioning your heart expanding. Count four heartbeats. 1, 2, 3, 4.
05
Hold your breath, counting two heartbeats. 1, 2.
06
Exhale through your nose, envisioning your heart compressing. Count six heartbeats. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. The key is to try making the exhale longer than the inhale to help calm the body.
07

Repeat this for 2­–5 minutes, or if you are using the exercise to help manage a trigger, repeat these steps as many times as necessary to feel grounded in the present moment. You may also choose to place both hands over your heart as you envision it expanding and contracting. As your heartbeats slow, your breathing will get deeper, continuing to calm you.

Video Option

Watch this guided breathing video, timing your breathing to the opening and closing of the lotus petals. Repeat for 2–5 minutes, or as long as needed.

Five Minute Guided Breathing Meditation 2023 from Saprea on Vimeo.

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Navigating Your Relationships 

Assertive Communication 

Practicing Boundaries 

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#24
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Self-Compassion 
The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of…
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Power of Play—Part 3 
Play can help you find joy in your everyday life right now, even when you feel that you are unworthy…
#26
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Body Kindness 
Survivors can more easily nurture a loving relationship with themselves through body kindness, which is reframing any feelings of judgment…

Assertive Communication 

Posted on May 3, 2023 - 3:33 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Assertive Communication 

#22 Assertive Communication [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#22

Assertive Communication 

Image

Assertive Communication 

Assertive communication is a valuable tool that helps us to take control of how we express ourselves—including our needs, wants, and boundaries—in a way that feels honest and authentic, while still respecting the other person.
Download this resource (PDF)

#22 Assertive Communication [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#22

Assertive Communication 

Assertive communication is a valuable tool that helps us to take control of how we express ourselves—including our needs, wants, and boundaries—in a way that feels honest and authentic, while still respecting the other person.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Practicing Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is the ability to honestly express your opinions, attitudes, and rights while also respecting the rights of others. This type of communication includes setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, being firm when needed, delivering messages clearly, and acting with respect, fairness, and empathy. It also allows you to acknowledge both your feelings and the feelings of others.

Sometimes this means acknowledging truths about your own behavior and taking ownership of your choices before you approach another person. Sometimes it means looking to change the way you interact with another person. Whatever the case may be, this activity can help you look at a specific situation with open eyes and honestly acknowledge your truth.

Activity steps

Think of a situation in your life where you want to communicate a concern or problem to another person. In your journal, write out possible statements you can make to express your concern using the steps below.
Your situation:
Your best friend has been running late more and more often.
1.
Ask if this is a good time.  
Is now a good time to talk?
2.

Use empathy and validation.
Listen and work to understand the other person's feelings or point of view.

It sounds like you have a pretty busy schedule, which can make it difficult to be on time.
3.

State your concern.
Describe your difficulty and tell why you need something to change. Use the “I feel” statements. 

I feel upset when you’re running late and don’t keep me in the loop. I then worry my time isn’t important to you.
4.

Identify what you want or what you’re willing to negotiate. 
Be specific with your requests. If you are looking for a specific behavior, circumstance, or situation, be sure to voice that. Speak specifically to the behavior rather than labelling the other person.  

I think I would feel less frustrated if you let me know when you are running behind.
5.

Give the other person a chance to respond.
 Listen and reflect on what the other person shares. Work on creatively solving the problem together.   

Maybe, in the future, you could text me if you think you’ll be more than ten minutes late. What do you think?
If time allows

Many survivors struggle with saying no to the people in their lives. You may have concerns that you’ll be perceived as rude or aggressive, that it makes you selfish, or that it might upset the other person and make them feel rejected. The most common reason survivors don’t say no is believing that others’ needs are more important than their own. When you practice assertive communication, you can say no when you need to and still feel respectful and respected.

1.

Think of a situation in your life where you need to say no. Go over this list of reminders to empower yourself to say it without guilt.

  • Other people have the right to ask, but I have the right to refuse.
  • When I say no, I am not rejecting that person, only their inquiry.
  • When I say no to one thing, that allows me to say yes to another.
  • When I say no, I’m being truthful and avoiding feelings of resentment towards the other person.
  • By honestly expressing my feelings, it makes it safe for others to do the same.
  • My needs are important, and it’s important for me to set healthy boundaries.
2.

Now that you have reviewed the list, create a statement using the steps of assertive communication you can use to say no. Once you have written your statement, practice saying it in your head or, if you feel comfortable, communicating it aloud by role playing with another participant.

Grounding Exercise

5-4-3-2-1

This simple exercise is an example of sensory grounding, which involves directing your attention toward one or more of your five senses.

So let’s begin.

Activity Steps

01
Take a moment to get comfortable and focus on the setting around you. 
02
Name 5 things you can see. As you do so, label each one in your head. 
03
Name 4 things you can hear. 
04
Name 3 things you can feel. 
05
Name 2 things you can smell. 
06
Name 1 thing you can taste. Some people will carry oils or a mint so they have them ready should they need to ground using their senses.  
07
Finally, take a moment to notice any other details around you or sensations you might be experiencing in this moment. Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to simply be. 

Video Option

Watch this video about everyday grounding techniques, focusing on the sensory experiences it may evoke.  

Everyday Activities from Saprea on Vimeo.

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Navigating Your Relationships

Assertive Communication

Practicing Boundaries

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Practicing Boundaries 
While building healthy connections is a key part of healing, equally important is identifying, maintaining, and communicating your boundaries. Everything…
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Self-Compassion 
The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of…
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Power of Play—Part 3 
Play can help you find joy in your everyday life right now, even when you feel that you are unworthy…

Creating Intentional Behaviors 

Posted on May 1, 2023 - 10:34 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Creating Intentional Behaviors 

#21 Creating Intentional Behaviors [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#21

Creating Intentional Behaviors 

Image

Creating Intentional Behaviors 

With consistent effort and intention, you can build new, healing pathways in your brain and expand your window of tolerance through repeated, conscious behaviors.
Download this resource (PDF)

#21 Creating Intentional Behaviors [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#21

Creating Intentional Behaviors 

With consistent effort and intention, you can build new, healing pathways in your brain and expand your window of tolerance through repeated, conscious behaviors.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.
Note: For Option 1 of this activity, the group leader will need to provide supplies to create collages, including magazines, poster boards, scissors, and glue sticks. Or, the group leader can modify this option to have participants brainstorm and write down ideas for a collage and/or browse the internet for images they can use for a digital collage. If meeting online, the group leader can invite participants to post images for their collage in the group chat.

Group Activity

Aspirational Thinking

Aspirational thinking is directing your thoughts toward the future with the belief that you can heal. With this shift in your focus, you can more easily make choices that reflect your hopes, dreams, and the future you want, rather than choices that are driven by fear or distress.

One way to begin practicing aspirational thinking is to set intentions. An intention centers on what you value in life and/or what you would like to work towards for your future. Intentions are independent of goals; they are lived each day and focus on the relationship we’ve fostered with ourselves. Goal-setting is about setting measurable steps, while intention-setting is about gazing inward to help us understand what we want for ourselves, in the present and in the future.

Setting intentions looks different for everyone. They can be set daily, weekly, or monthly. They can be written out as a sentence, phrase, or word. For one person, it might be writing in their planner: “I approach new situations with curiosity and an open mind.” For another, it’s the phrase “body kindness” on a sticky note beside the bathroom mirror. It may even be the word “explore” or “gratitude” or “nourishment” posted on a collage and surrounded by images that visualize your intentions.

How would you like to set and remind yourself of your intentions? As you’re thinking of ideas, below are a couple of activities to help you get started.

Activity steps

Option 1—Aspiration Collage 

An Aspiration collage is a collection of images that illustrate what you want your life to look like. This might include changes you’d like to make, areas of your life you want to focus on, or visual reminders of what you care about most. It might also include things that excite you, bring you joy, or foster feelings of hope and encouragement. Keep in mind that the mere existence of an Aspiration collage can’t alter your future. Rather, it serves as a visual expression of the intentions you’d like to set as well as the self-compassion required as you work towards those intentions.

01
Decide where you’d like to put your Aspiration collage.
Aspiration collages can be made in a variety of ways, like a bulletin board in your bedroom, a word splash in your journal, a folder on your desk at work, or even a desktop background on your computer. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s somewhere you’ll see on a consistent basis. Once you know the size and space you’ll be working with, it will make the next steps easier.  
02
Gather images.
Find images that embody your intentions, literally or figuratively. For this step, you can use the images provided by the group leader, or you can write down a list of images that you plan to look for later. You could also take this time to browse through images on your phone and bookmark any inspirations that stand out to you. Maybe you’d rather put together a digital collage, like a Pinterest board, that you can save and add to as often as you’d like.  
03
Put the images together.
Do you want your images to look like a collage with no white space? Do you want images that are all the same shape and size? Spend time organizing the images in a way that feels the most comfortable to you. Or, if you are in the brainstorming stage, write down some ideas of how you’d like your collage to look.  
04
Put the date on it.
If creating an Aspiration collage resonates with you, you may find yourself creating them more often. Putting the date, even just the month and year, on each will help you see how your intentions change, how you accomplish your goals, or the ways you grow over time.  
05
Display it once you are finished.
You started with an idea of where you wanted it. When you finish—either here during group or later at home— hang it up or put the file on your computer so that you can see it every day and remind yourself what your dreams and intentions are.  
Option 2—Future Self Meditation 
Another way to develop aspiration thinking is to imagine an interaction with your future self.  
01
Close your eyes or soften your gaze as you listen to Group Leader A read the following guided meditation aloud.  

Guided Meditation Script

Imagine you are in your favorite outdoor space. Perhaps it is a beach at sunset. Perhaps it is a secluded wood or a quiet garden.

Imagine yourself walking through this place and toward a dwelling. This is the dwelling of your future self—an older, wiser “you” who has fulfilled your hopes and dreams. As you walk up to the door of this dwelling to greet your future self, notice how old your wiser self is, how they are dressed, how they appear, and how they move as you walk with them.

Imagine yourself sitting and talking with your wiser self. Notice their presence, their energy, and how it affects you. Take some time to ask your wiser self how they came to be who they are; listen carefully to their answer. Ask what helped them most along the way. What did they have to let go of to become who they are? In what areas of their life did they foster new growth? What new behaviors and thought patterns did they cultivate?

Before you leave the dwelling, your future self offers you a gift. It’s a small box with a message of wisdom inside that can help you in this moment. You open the box and look inside. What does the message say?

02

After you’ve finished the visualization, reflect on the following questions:

  • What did you learn from your future self that can help you develop aspirational thinking right now?
  • What aspirational thoughts do you want to focus on now after interacting with your future self?
03

Write down your thoughts as a springboard for potential intentions you’d like to set.

Grounding Exercise

Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are sentences you say to yourself to remind you of your value, how far you’ve come, and how capable you are of continuing your healing journey. They can serve as an anchor to this moment, as well as a tool to nurturing self-compassion.

So let's begin.

Activity Steps

01

Select an affirmation from this list or choose one of your own.

  • I am enough.
  • I am learning to love myself.
  • I choose happiness.
  • I am moving forward on my healing journey one choice at a time.
  • I have strength and power to take whatever comes my way.
  • I can do challenging things.
  • I am grateful for this day and the many possibilities it affords.
  • I deserve compassion, kindness, and understanding.
02
Repeat the affirmation in your mind as you inhale and exhale, envisioning the words as your anchor to the present.  
03
As your mind wanders, gently redirect it back to the affirmation, noting your drifting attention with patience and curiosity.  
04
Continue this exercise for 1–2 minutes. As you do so, you might choose a new affirmation to focus on or stick with the same one—whatever works best for you.  
05
When you are finished, allow yourself a few paced breaths, imagining feelings of warmth and compassion flowing through you.  

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Developing Aspirational Thinking

Creating Intentional Behaviors

Creative Expression

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Assertive Communication 
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Practicing Boundaries 
While building healthy connections is a key part of healing, equally important is identifying, maintaining, and communicating your boundaries. Everything…
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Self-Compassion 
The antidote to shame is self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools we can use to reduce the effects of…

Power of Play—Part 2

Posted on May 1, 2023 - 9:36 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Power of Play—Part 2

#20 Power of Play Part 2 [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#20

Power of Play—Part 2

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Power of Play—Part 2

While many survivors may not have had the opportunity to experience the joys of play as children, it is possible to rediscover play—and its many benefits—as an adult.
Download this resource (PDF)

#20 Power of Play Part 2 [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#20

Power of Play—Part 2

While many survivors may not have had the opportunity to experience the joys of play as children, it is possible to rediscover play—and its many benefits—as an adult.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Rediscovering Play

This activity gives you the opportunity to explore what play might look like for you now as an adult. Remember that play is always changing, and what may work for you one day may not work another day. That’s okay. What matters most is finding or rediscovering which activities best meet your needs in the present, including your need to connect, to laugh, to explore and create, and to simply be.

Activity steps

01

Take some time to reflect on the following questions from the video:

  • What brings me joy and delight?
  • What helps me feel content?
  • What do I enjoy doing?
  • What sounds fun to me?
  • What kinds of play did I enjoy as a child?
  • What makes me laugh?
02

Write down any ideas or memories that these questions spark. If nothing comes to mind, you might consider new ways to rediscover play as an adult. It might help to review the following list of options from the video as you brainstorm ideas:

  • Take a cooking class.
  • Go for a bike ride.
  • Take an art class with a friend.
  • Play a card game with your family.
  • Go bowling.
  • Tour your city with your partner or family.
  • Attend a dance class.
  • Host a game night with friends or family.
  • Schedule time in a park or at the beach.
  • Play with a pet.
  • Joke with strangers while waiting in line.
  • Go for a hike.
  • Take a yoga class.
  • Go to an amusement park.
  • Sing and dance to an upbeat song.
03
After writing down some ideas, consider when and how you’d like to try out one of these activities before the next group meeting. Perhaps set a time in your calendar or text someone an invitation to join you. While play is often unstructured, sometimes getting started involves just a little more planning and intention.

Grounding Exercise

Stomp and Clap

This activity utilizes elements of rhythm, play, and movement to help anchor your attention to the present.

Activity Steps

01

Group Leader A begins by performing a simple stomp-clap combination.

  • Example: Stomp, clap, stomp, stomp.
02

The rest of the group will then repeat the same stomp-clap combination in unison.

03
Repeat this back-and-forth dynamic between Group Leader A and the other participants a few times, allowing the group to fall into a natural call-and-response rhythm. 
04
Next, Group Leader B will start a new stomp-clap combination for the rest of the group to follow.  
05
Repeat the same call-and-response rhythm from steps 2 and 3.   
06
Continue the activity for as long as you’d like, allowing other participants the chance to lead the group with their own stomp-clap combinations.   

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Movement

Creative Expression

Mindfulness and Its Role in Healing from Child Sexual Abuse

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Creating Intentional Behaviors 
With consistent effort and intention, you can build new, healing pathways in your brain and expand your window of tolerance…
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Assertive Communication 
Assertive communication is a valuable tool that helps us to take control of how we express ourselves—including our needs, wants,…
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Practicing Boundaries 
While building healthy connections is a key part of healing, equally important is identifying, maintaining, and communicating your boundaries. Everything…

Everyday Acknowledgement

Posted on May 1, 2023 - 8:35 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Everyday Acknowledgement

#19 Everyday Acknowledgement [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#19

Everyday Acknowledgement

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Everyday Acknowledgement

Practicing Acknowledgement everyday helps us to change automatic reactions into intentional, conscious actions that help us progress in our healing.
Download this resource (PDF)

#19 Everyday Acknowledgement [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

#19

Everyday Acknowledgement

Practicing Acknowledgement everyday helps us to change automatic reactions into intentional, conscious actions that help us progress in our healing.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Your Future Self Will Thank You

Have you ever done something for yourself in the past that you feel grateful for today? For example, you might have gotten a full night’s sleep so you could focus on a task the next day. Or perhaps you took a walk around the block and felt more invigorated afterwards. Such everyday intentional actions are examples of self-care. Self-care is prioritizing your physical, mental, and emotional care in order to create a life that is more fulfilling and sustainable (in other words, a life that you don’t want to escape from).

Like self-compassion, self-care can sometimes be misunderstood. It is often mistaken for self-indulgence, avoidance, or isolation. It’s not uncommon to envision self-care as retreating from others and engaging in a solitary activity like sleeping, taking a bath, or meditating in the middle of the woods. However, self-care isn’t about disconnection. Rather, it’s about tending to whatever needs you have in the moment—whether that’s taking a bath, setting up a lunch with a friend, or washing your car because you know you feel calmer after taking care of that task.

Ultimately, self-care involves daily actions that help you manage stress and tend to your needs. It is about finding ways to enjoy and enrich your life rather than finding ways to avoid or escape from it.

Activity steps

Part 1—Plan Ahead

01

Envision your future self and cultivate a feeling of kindness towards them.

02

Ask yourself, “What is one thing I could do today that my future self would thank me for?”

03

Write down at least one thing you can do today. Or, if the day is nearly over, you can think of something you could do tomorrow.

Part 2—Looking Back

01

So far, we’ve been discussing how to acknowledge your needs in the present and make plans to tend to those needs soon. However, Acknowledgment is also about recognizing and appreciating what you have already done in the past to get to where you’re at today. Take a moment to review the list of examples above and think about something you’ve done recently to tend to your needs. This could be something you did today (attending this support group, for example), yesterday, or earlier this week.

02

Next, write a short letter to your past self thanking them for an action they took that benefited you today. This could be a couple of paragraphs, a couple of sentences, or even a couple of words—whatever you feel expresses the gratitude towards your past self and the things they’ve done to further your healing in the present.

Grounding Exercise

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is based on the practice of intentionally contracting and relaxing the different muscle groups of the body. Not only does this exercise help reduce stress, anxiety, and muscle tension, but it can help draw your attention to the different parts of your body and all the ways it serves you.

So let’s begin.

Activity Steps

  • Settle into a comfortable position, sitting or lying down.
  • Soften your gaze or close your eyes.
  • Point the toes of your right foot toward your face and then away. Tense the thigh and calf muscles of your right leg.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Point the toes of your left foot toward your face and then away. Tense the thigh and calf muscles of your left leg.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Tense both legs.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Squeeze your right hand into a fist, tense your right arm, and bring your forearm toward your body.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Squeeze your left hand into a first, tense your left arm, and bring your forearm toward your body.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Squeeze both hands into fists, tense both arms, and bring your forearms towards your body.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Raise both shoulders.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • Select another muscle or muscle group of your choosing.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • If you are able, tense your entire body.
    Hold . . . relax.
  • After you have finished tensing and relaxing, take a moment to notice what your body feels like. Think back to a specific part of the body you tensed and relaxed and note how that muscle or muscle group has helped you today. (For example, “My calves helped me get up the stairs this morning.”)

Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

Download this resource (PDF)
Download Meeting script (PDF)

Additional Resources

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

Developing Aspirational Thinking

Creating Intentional Behaviors

Acknowledgement and Its Role in Healing from Child Sexual Abuse

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Power of Play—Part 2
While many survivors may not have had the opportunity to experience the joys of play as children, it is possible…
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Creating Intentional Behaviors 
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Assertive Communication 
Assertive communication is a valuable tool that helps us to take control of how we express ourselves—including our needs, wants,…

Difficult Relationship with the Body

Posted on May 1, 2023 - 7:35 pm by

Saprea Support Groups > Group Materials >Difficult Relationship with the Body

#18 Difficult Relationship with the Body [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

This video includes information about sexual intimacy and arousal, which may lead to feelings of discomfort and/or triggers. Also, some of the issues discussed may not feel applicable to you and your circumstance. For instance, when sexually abused, you may have experienced feelings of pain and violation along with or instead of arousal. Or you may feel this content does not align with your present experiences or interests as an adult. If that is the case, we hope that this video will still be helpful in terms of identifying other ways trauma may have impacted your relationship with your body.  

#18

Difficult Relationship with the Body

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Difficult Relationship with the Body

Trauma’s impact on the body can sometimes lead to feelings of shame, disconnection, and betrayal that we may not always understand or know how to manage.
Download this resource (PDF)

#18 Difficult Relationship with the Body [cc] from Saprea on Vimeo.

This video includes information about sexual intimacy and arousal, which may lead to feelings of discomfort and/or triggers. Also, some of the issues discussed may not feel applicable to you and your circumstance. For instance, when sexually abused, you may have experienced feelings of pain and violation along with or instead of arousal. Or you may feel this content does not align with your present experiences or interests as an adult. If that is the case, we hope that this video will still be helpful in terms of identifying other ways trauma may have impacted your relationship with your body.  

#18

Difficult Relationship with the Body

Trauma’s impact on the body can sometimes lead to feelings of shame, disconnection, and betrayal that we may not always understand or know how to manage.
Download this resource (PDF)
Each Saprea Support Group meeting begins with 'Group Leader A' reading the script while participants follow along. The script will be the same for every group meeting. Click here to find the script and get your meeting started. Below you will find the additional meeting materials for this course.

Group Activity

Embodiment 

For many survivors, the idea of feeling reconnected with their body can seem daunting. This is where embodiment comes into play. Embodiment involves feeling present and empowered within your own body. It centers around being attuned to your body’s physical needs, responses, and sensations. Embodiment is important in all areas of your life, including sexual intimacy. Embodiment can begin by engaging in small moments of everyday Mindfulness—specifically moments that involve safe touch. While your mind and body may have learned to react to certain stimuli in a way that may be causing you difficulties as an adult, you can learn or re-learn to experience touch while feeling safe. 

“Safe touch” refers to physical touch that can help us feel safe, comforted, relaxed, and grounded to the present. It can also refer to touch that doesn’t disrupt these feelings if we are already experiencing them. In some cases, safe touch can also help to strengthen our feelings of connection and belonging with others. In this activity, we will practice an example of safe touch using a grounding exercise we’ve done together in past meetings.  

Activity steps

Part 1—Butterfly Hug 

01
Get into a comfortable position, either sitting up or lying down.  
02
Cross your arms over your chest and rest the tips of your fingers on your collarbone, shoulders, or arms. 
03
Next, gently tap your arms, alternating sides. As you do so, breathe in and out.  
04
Envision feelings of warmth, comfort, and safety flowing through you as you continue tapping your arms and embracing yourself in what is sometimes referred to as the “self-love hug.” 
05
Continue this exercise for 2–5 minutes or as long as you need to.  
06
When you are done, rest your hands on your lap and let your attention come back to the present moment. Reflect on any thoughts, emotions, and sensations you had as you allowed yourself a moment to experience safe touch.
Video Option
Watch this video and follow along as Jessica guides you through the butterfly hug. 

Butterfly Hug from Saprea on Vimeo.

Part 2—Exploring Embodiment

01
Take a few minutes to think about other embodiment activities you could try. As a reminder, these are Mindfulness activities involving safe touch. Some examples include:
  • Snuggling with a pet. 
  • Sitting in the sun. 
  • Getting a massage. 
  • Playing a sport with a friend. 
  • Tickling or wresting with your kids. 
  • Holding hands with someone you trust. 
  • Getting your hair or nails done. 
  • Laying beneath a weighted blanket. 
    02
    Write down a couple of ideas that you’d like to explore later.  
    03
    When you try out an embodiment activity, mindfully observe how present you are and what emotions you feel. If the touch gets to be too much, acknowledge how you feel and try again another time. 
    04
    After you try out the activity, reflect on the following questions: 
    • How easy or difficult was it for me to stay present while practicing safe touch? 
    • What physical sensations did I experience through safe touch? (Example: “When I sat outside, I felt the warmth of the sun on my face.”) 
    • What emotions did I feel during the activity? (Example: “As I sat outside, I felt calm, relaxed, and comfortable in my own skin.”) 
    05
    Consider what other ways you could practice safe touch to experience similar feelings of embodiment. For instance, if you enjoyed lounging in the sun, you might experience similar feelings of warmth and security by taking a bath or sitting close to your partner while you are both commuting on a train.
    06
    Remember that through these small steps, over time, safe touch can become a natural part of your day, something that enables you to feel more at home in your own body—whether during sex, at family events, while you are at work, or while you are practicing self-care.  

    Grounding Exercise

    Self-Kindness Meditation

    This exercise can help us not only ground to the present but offer ourselves warmth, comfort, and compassion. 

    Activity Steps 

    01
    Place both hands over your heart and take a moment to feel the warmth of your touch.
    Notice your breathing as it is. There is no need to change or deepen it. 
    02
    As you breathe in, imagine a sense of calm and gratitude flowing through your body and towards your heart.
    As you breathe out, imagine any tension or stress leaving your body. It may also be helpful to focus on the image of a breathing heart.
    03
    Next, envision a moment when you were with someone who made you feel loved and safe.
    This moment may be an actual memory with a loved one, trusted friend, neighbor, therapist, or mentor. You could also think of a moment spent with a beloved pet. Or, rather than drawing from a memory, you can envision a hypothetical scenario with an older, wiser version of yourself, or with a well-known figure you admire and whose work has brought you inspiration and comfort.
    04
    Think about the feelings of acceptance, safety, and love you experience when focusing on that person.
    Take a moment to allow these feelings to spread throughout your body.

    Hosting Your Meetings Off-Line? Download All of the Materials You Need Here:

    Download this resource (PDF)
    Download Meeting script (PDF)

    Additional Resources

    If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to explore these additional resources.

    Difficult Relationship with Body

    Sexual Intimacy Issues

    Sexual Health

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